I know it's been a long time since I wrote to you and we both know the circumstances which have made me largely ineligible to benefit from your work, i.e., that I've been a bad boy for a long, loooong, loooonnnggg time.
Rather than live in the past, I thought I would try and start anew, first, by saying I am so sorry for being bad. I will try and not act like the world revolves around me any more.
I'm sure you get sick of so many letters from people asking you for things. So, I mean, hey man, how are *you* doing??? Hopefully, very well indeed.
Santa, as you know, we are engaged in quite a game of waiting around for old St. Dick, I mean for Dick Weir to wrap up whatever last things he needs to complete prior to making EEStor's next announcement. I was wondering if maybe possibly if I'm a good guy from now til Christmas if maybe possibly you could use your influence with Dick to get him to finally provide an update on EEStor progress. If you choose to accept this mission, please don't let him simply say something like "everything is going well" or "we're proud of the progress we've made" or "we're soooo close." Instead, you gotta nail him down, Santa and get him to reveal publicly that, "the production line is fully certified" or "the EESU components energy density is X as certified by_____" or "the throughput of the production line is _____" etc. Santa, get ahold of him and make him say something specific.
Yes, I realize your normal role is to bring toys to good boys and girls. And in this case, I'm asking you to maybe suggest to Mr. Weir that all those new toys he wants next year (major financing deal, new building, new production lines, major new partners) might be withheld if he isn't good. So, yes, that may be awkward but think of the upside Santa. Those new batteries will reduce your current battery shipping weight by 4X and last I checked, none of your reindeer are getting any younger. So, it is important. It is important to you. It is important to me. So, let's work together.
And that's it, Santa. That's all I want for Christmas this year besides of course peace on earth for every human soul.
-B
-------
Dear B,
Hey man! Good to hear from you and thanks for asking about me.
Trust me, B, I need old Dick to come through as much as you. Today's batteries are killing us all. The reindeer are on board. The elves are on board. The kids are definitely on board. So, I'll have a little sit down with Papa Weir at the mall. (he frequents the chinese buffet in the food court ) I think he just needs to learn that hide n' seek with the EESU isn't winning him any popularity contests. He's a good guy, B, just let me explain to him how important it is to stamp out myths with verifiable facts so as not to give rise to crazy wackos.
Also, note, you haven't been bad at all. You're just too old for Santa now. You "get" that, right? Ok, peace my brotha.
-Santa
