Thursday, October 14, 2010

Three EEStor Insiders Break Their Silence: "We're Upset With Dick Weir"

"We are upset with Dick and want him to hurry up."   So say three people very close to EEStor Inc. operations in a recent interview I was solicited to perform via conference call earlier this week.   Lockheed Martin's CEO, Bob Stevens, Dick Weir's wife Betty Weir and Jesus Christ, Son of God are all in agreement, Dick Weir is taking waaay too long to deliver.  

Tuesday October 12, 2010:  Panel Transcript

B: First of all, thanks to all of you for asking me to conduct this interview. I'm very humbled by your request and incredibly interested to see what you're hoping to discuss with me.  Who wants to go first?

Bob Stevens:  Betty, JC, if I may?

Betty: Sure.

JC: As you wish. 

Lockheed CEO: Bob Stevens
BS:  Thanks.  Ok, B, here's the deal.  Dick is completely out of control with this stealth thing.  It's gone on LONG ENOUGH!  I've got a business to run and we need those batteries. Let me give you an example, ok? I was in Austin recently and I popped by Dick's office.  When I walked in, I knew he had an EESU sitting his desk. What do you think he did?  Yeah, he quickly stuffed it into his desk like if he were hiding a candy bar. I mean COME ON, DICK! I run Lockheed big guy!  

Betty:  That's right B.  As Bob says, we're all really frustrated with Dick.  I love him dearly but it might be time to see if maybe he's ever going to let me see the EESU?  I'm not making this up, B. Sometimes Dick brings an EESU home and carries it around the house under a silky black cloth, you know, like the sort you would use for a reveal.....pull back the covers as it were to reveal the device.  I said, Dick, are you ever going to pull the curtain off that thing, dear or just talk about pulling it off?  He got so testy with me.  But he's cute when he's upset. 

JC:  Dick Weir I DO NOT approve of any more EESU hiding games.  Bring forth the EESU into my Divine Light. 

[Lightning cracks]

B:  Wow, ok, I get it. So, you three wanted to come together and deliver this message together. Fascinating.  But, honestly, don't you think Dick's got really good reasons for not pulling the curtain off the EESU yet?  I mean he could really juice up his competitors don't you think?

BS:  B, we looked at this thing 14 ways to Sunday. (Sorry, J) Anyway, there are no competitors. That little mad scientist figured out how to store energy, a TON of energy in a tiny little footprint.  The man's a genius but holy cow, someone make him check box a calendar already.  

JC:  Everything in the universe is mine, B. You know that.  Dick is merely a steward of MY EESU.  Lately, I'm thinking if he's going to dilly dally, I might just taketh away what I have giveth.  Cometh to think about it, how is he even storing energy in barium titanate anyway? HHhhmm.

B: Lord, if you were to taketh, who might you giveth this to?  

JC:  I don't know, B. I haven't thought it out yet.  Do you want it?

B: Lord, I am definitely not worthy.  You know how I lose my car in the mall parking lot all the time.   I am just happy being your humble dumb servant.  But can you make the Zenn stock go up, Lord?

JC: No, B. 

[Lightening cracks]

B: Ah. OK. 

Betty Weir
Betty: I know what you should do, Lord if you decideth to taketh away.  Giveth it to Chilean miners.  I loveth watching the rescues. Those happy sardines know what to do with their time on earth.  They aren't going to be purifying powders, I bet you. 

[All three laugh and then tear up thinking about those happy miners.]

B:  I want you all to know I respect all of you for obvious reasons. But I'm on Dick's side in this thing.  After all, he invented it.  That must also necessarily make him an expert in communications, media relations, corporate image, brand, financing, large scale manufacturing, international commerce regulations, barium mining and credibility and trustworthiness.  He knows it works.  That's good enough for me.  I love that guy, you know?

BS: B, we all love Dick very dearly. Me especially. I want to see his battery on a satellite so we can perform space based laser surgery on the bad guys, if you know what I mean, B. I can't wait to high five Dick when we are frying ants like with a giant magnifying glass.  Zap! Zap!   [Stevens has both hands cuffed and his thumbs are pressing down like on a video game.]

JC: Hey, heeeyyyy!  None of that!

BS: Oh, sorry about that. 

B: Well, what can we do, here?  How can we all work together to get Dick to get off his hands and share a little information already?

Betty: He likes Chinese food. Loves it actually.  Maybe our plan could involve Chinese food?

BS: HHhmmm, that's got me thinking. 

JC:  I know.  I will cause a rice famine until Dick reveals the EESU! 

B: Lord, no, please spare us this deserved punishment.  If it please you, give us a positive incentive for Dick to act quickly. 

Jesus in his carpentering days. 
JC:  Well, let me thi...ok, I'm done.  From this day forward, all Chinese food sold in Cedar Park may be obtained ONLY with EESU currency.  Don't worry children, I am only requiring one tiny component with the required ED, PD and durability for a quart of pork fried rice. 

Betty: Lord, I your way is brilliant. 

BS:  That's definitely got legs. 

B:  I think that will definitely bring this thing out into the open.   See how we all worked together?  I like teamwork. 

Well, to wrap up then, I have a lot of other questions for all three of you.  Do we have any more time to....

[Three conference call departure tones play in rapid succession.]

Thanks to Nekote for preparing this transcript for us. 


Note:  I apologize if any Chinese people were offended by this poor attempt at humor.