Friday, January 29, 2010

Terrorist Bin Laden Joins EEStor Fan Base?

You might think that the world's most famous terrorist loves it when the price of oil zips up and out of control. After all, it's been said a million times that most terrorism is funded by oil money. But don't you know that most terrorists, especially the ones in hiding, are actually green like Al Gore? (They have to be: UAV's. ) But now the philosophy of going green is also taking root. Take Bin Laden's latest message calling for a halt to the American economy due to it's impact on Global Warming. Yes, that's right, global warming. I said it again.

It's probably not too difficult to disentangle the murderous intentions behind the message: oil keeps in power the very people Bin Laden wishes to overthrow. Connect the dots however you wish but it comes back to a fundamental point: if Bin Laden wishes to prevent Global Warming, the burning of carbon fuels are a great place to start, ERGO, a better battery (let's call it Bettery from here out) would be a logical friend, such as EEStor's EESU. In fact, it's this exact idea that has resulted in some recent negotiations among those engaged in the war on terrorism. Here's an excerpt from a classified transcript detailing the ongoing negotiations:

[somewhere in a dimly lit bunker, an assembly of leaders sit down to discuss EEStor]

Bin Laden:
I swear by [censored], this battery is a gift from [censored].

John Doerr: We think so too and the Chinese are also in agreement if not our pockets. Are we red or are we green, Al? Ah hell, let the accountants figure it out.

Al Gore: Maybe. But we can all agree or least anyone with a soul can agree that Polar Bears are friends to Muslims everywhere, even militant ones. Correct?

Barak Obama: More than that, they are a symbol of our future economic independency, ah, interdependency, ah, you know what I'm saying. On the topic of Polar Bears, like many Americans who sit in my office, we can all agree that if Polar Bears were green in color, like I $1Bil in stimulus funding, then all the problems of this and other countries would dissolve in a fiscal year.

Chris Matthews: I forgot they were white.

Dick Weir: What the f[censored] is going on here? Apprehend that g[censored] d[censored] f[censored] terrorist piece of s[censored]. He's a murdering terrorist. Get a laser, throw it in multi-mode and disintegrate him!

Barak Obama: Now wait a second Dick. We're only here to talk about the ultrabattery, ca-pa-tass-eestor. Cheney, what did you it call again?

Dick Cheney: Mr. President, EEStor refers to their device as an Electrical Energy Storage Unit but in ordinary English usage, most simply call it a battery. However, as Mr. Weir has demonstrated, it has the properties of a capacitor, which is another form of energy storage. Therefore, we should probably pick a term and stick with it for practical purposes.

Bin Laden: This energy storage should be called [censored] from [censored] by [censored] for the end to [censored] and [censored] [censored].

Bob Stevens: Gentlemen, we've been kicking around the idea of calling it LockhEEd's Future, ahem, I mean BagheadPack Smile Storage Unit. Another idea we came up with in collaboration with our government partners in Quantico: EEFU. How do you like that, Bin?

Bin Laden: EEFU, UAV, none of these can catch me, you think?

From a Conference Call Speakerphone in the middle of the conference table: let's stop talking about what to call it and get it built. Besides, everyone knows it should be called MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAH!!

Barak Obama: Who is that guy, any way?

Dick Cheney: That's George Bush.

Al Gore: No, it's not. It's George Clooney.

Bin Laden: Wrong again! It's Secretary Steven Chu. I know his voice anywhere.

Speakerphone: One question, Mr. Weir, if I may. When????????

Rex Tillerson: Yes, when will EESCAM be over?