Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Zenn CFO Looks for Less Greener Pastures

The soon to be former CFO of Zenn Motor Company, Lawrence Schreiner is fanatically excited to be departing Zenn Motor Company. I spoke with him yesterday following the announcement to see if I could learn more about what motivated the move.

B: Larry, I read the announcement and wondered if you could walk us through what's going on here.

Larry: It's pretty simple, B. Zenn has become too stable for my taste. I need action & risk and more action and more risk. You know what I mean?

B: I'm sorry, I guess I don't.

Larry: B, this may be hard for you to understand but Zenn wasn't enough for me. I really want to find a company that has MORE transformational potential than EEStor and Zenn. Something with EVEN GREATER risk/reward. Something with less stability, wilder characters, & more drama. It's just gotten so boring here at Zenn. I've got to get out and get on with my REAL life that awaits.

B: Some would say Zenn provides pretty decent drama.

Larry: That's just it, B. I'm tired of people saying it's dramatic when in reality it's sort of boring. I want to work for a company that will SERIOUSLY change the world if they could just find their next $50,000 to make payroll. Something edgy too like....hell, I don't a Mack Truck engine manufacturer or something.

B: Wait a second, Larry, those things produce a lot of pollution. It would be quite a 360 to go into something like that.

Larry: B, for the first time I feel freer than I ever have. That's why I a got new tattoo last week. It covers approximately 82% of my body. And to celebrate, I went into my backyard and just built a big ole bon fire. I was burning anything that could emit carbon into the atmosphere. The volcanoes made me do it. They're going to send us into the next ice age. You knew that, right?

B: I wasn't aware of that, no. Um... Getting back to Zenn, though. The financial aspects of keeping Zenn afloat must have provided some tense moments, no?

Larry: B, I don't really want to talk about Zenn any more. I just want to focus on increasing my carbon footprint and bringing to market things that increase one's carbon footprint. Do we really need tail pipes and mufflers? And don't get me started on these nutjobs who favor diesel or worse, biodiesel. Outrageous.


The interview continued for about an hour. Mr. Schreiner went on to pontificate about anything that popped into his head: the need for more poverty & social discord between ethnicities, higher taxes, less music and food that doesn't taste so good (to reduce consumption).

I wished him well but admitted that I hoped all his future endeavors fail. He challenged me to a fight on any hockey rink in North America. I said, I can't skate. He said, you better learn boy.

Note: this was not an actual interview. I made it up. Is that ok with you? I've never had an actual conversation with Larry Schreiner. I have no idea why he left Zenn but hopefully it's not for the above reasons. He's probably a nice guy? I hope he's not moving to Brazil. The photo is actually Larry though. Maybe his sense of fashion clashed with Ian's? You tell me.

Am I missing anything with this story?